A doctor friend of ours sent us this batch of "jokes from doctors, physicians and surgeons" that we share with all of our readers. We all know the importance of laughter in medicine: laughter therapy is used to treat and cure certain diseases. Our psychologists and psychiatrists defend our swashbuckling theory. Our medical center of Madrid and physicians always opt for new therapies that are daily imposed in modern medicine we try to develop. Enjoy these jokes doctors.
He says one doctor to another :
- - This man is to undergo surgery immediately.
- What is it?
- Money.
Is the patient lying in bed in the same room as your doctor, lawyer, wife and children. All of them waiting the final breath, when suddenly
the patient feels, looks around and says,
- - Murderers, thieves and ingrates and scoundrels.
- - I think it is improving.
- Why do you say, doctor, asks the wife.
- Because we all recognized.
The doctor tells her patient in very aggressive tone:
- - In the coming months, no smoking, no drinking, no dating women, nothing to eat in expensive restaurants, and no
trips or vacations.
- "Until I get better Doctor?.
"No, until I pay what he owes me!
were operating at patient when a doctor enters the ER and yells,
- - STOP IT! Stop the transplant has been a rejection!
- A rejection?
- kidney, doctor? - Asks her nurse.
- NO! ... Just check out! ... The check bounces!
- - Doctor, do you think that after this operation I will ever walk again?
- Sure ... Because he will have to sell the car to pay the bill the clinic! ...
A sixty-year patient asks the doctor :
- - Listen doctor, when I go up the slope to reach my home I get tired a lot, what do you recommend taking?
And the doctor replied:
- - A taxi, lady.
An asthmatic problems 5 floors up, knocks on the door will open and says
- - Doctor, I have a lot of asthma, what do you recommend?
- Easy, do not smoke, drink, relax and buy yourself some glasses.
- And what lenses have to do with asthma?
- are to find the doctor's house, which is below, I am a bricklayer.
Medical report.
Once in the hospital a man expected to leave the doctor to find out how
was his wife. After a while, came out and said he was very serious lady, and I was going to have to feed in the mouth because he could not move his hands, would lead to the bathroom, had to change clothes, bathe, etc. The husband began to mourn and the doctor added:
- - I was joking man! He's dead.
Lifting .
A stretch French do it all: the nose, the skin of the face, ... Finally, the surgeon asks
- - Mrs. Want more?
- Yes I have the biggest eyes and expressive.
- Nothing easier, ma'am. Nurse: the bill, please.
Two nurses commented by watching a doctor :
- - How well the doctor who dresses Garcés!
- Whether and how fast
Two surgeons at a bar see happen to a patient.
- - A man that operated on me.
- What you got?
- Four thousand dollars.
medical Beware!
- - Doctor, what I can do to make during the holidays my wife get pregnant?
- take with you.
- - went to the doctor and take away my whiskey, snuff and drugs.
- But how come the doctor or office?
The surgeon postoperative :
- - Doctor, I get dressed in white, but why so much light?
- My son, I'm Peter ...
- - Doctor, what do I have?
- Never worry about my friend, we will clarify any doubt at autopsy.
- - So your grandfather died in the doctor's office? What did the doctor before he died?
- He said: Tell me, sir, five, four, three, two, one, zero ...
why God invented menopause?
With the new technology used for fertility, a 65 year old woman gave birth to a baby
. When he left the hospital and went home, got his family to visit.
- - Can we see the baby? - asked one of them.
- yet - said the brand-new mother of 65 - Coming soon.
- - Can we meet the new baby?
- yet - said the mother.
- - When you cry - was the answer.
- When cry?
- Why do we have to wait until he cries? - Claimed.
- Because I do not remember where I put it.
Two old maids had inherited from the father pharmacy. One day a man comes and asks for a condom. A of the women takes a size 42.
- - No, it is small - the man says. It takes a
- - No, I think is still small.
- - Hermenegilda, Mr. need a condom than size 54, what can we offer?
- - HOUSE, FOOD, AND HALF THE PHARMACY!
heaven comes a bold afraid to be denied entry because they have problems of racism:
- - Name? - St. Peter asks.
- Leonardo Di Caprio - replied the black. San Pedro
looks incredulous and again asked her name ...
- - Leonardo Di Caprio. - Stresses the black you can not turn back.
- - Hey boss - he says, with all due respect - take me out of a Doubt: The Titanic, is sunk or burned?
A hen lays an egg pound. Newspapers, television, interviews ... all behind the chicken.
- - How have you managed that feat, Ms. Gallina?
- Family Secret ...
- Plans for the future?
- Lay an egg of a kilo.
- - How have achieved such a feat, Mr. Gallo?
- Family Secret ...
- Future Plans?
- Grind to the ostrich sticks! ...
Our private medical center of Madrid is multidisciplinary. We offer the following medical services: acupuncture, allergy, clinical analysis, ATS / practitioner / nurse, medical certificates for drivers, official medical certificates, general and digestive surgery, plastic surgery and aesthetic medical laser hair removal, dermatology, colon hydrotherapy, digestive, physiotherapy and rehabilitation, gynecology, aesthetic medicine, general medicine, neonatology, nutrition and dietetics, obstetrics, ophthalmology, otolaryngology, ozone therapy, pediatrics, podiatry, birth preparedness, psychology, psychological testing, psychiatry, child care, Rheumatology, Sexology, orthopedics, urology.
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Our specialty clinical center primarily serves medical private patients, but is also reached with the major medical societies Madrid: Adeslas, Antares, Asisa, Axa-Winterthur, Caser Insurance, Cigna, DKV Seguros, Brotherhood of Architects (HNA), Mafre, Health Fund, Sanitas, Sersanet, Surgical Medical Sanitary Union (SMQ), Aegon, Health Association (ASSA), Allianz, Altadis, Agrupación Mutua, Aresa, Mutua Madrilena, Press Association of Madrid (APM), Azkar, Banco Santander Central Hispanic Swan Insurance, Health Medical Service of the Bar Association, Association of Attorneys, Sublime, philanthropic Trade and Industry, Groupama, Inis, English Institute, the Health Fair, Star Insurance, The New Fair, Madrid Union, Medifiatc, Fiatc Insurance Medytec Health Insurance Atocha, Seras, Health Insurance Society, the Medical Union Fuencisla, Welfare Benefits Unit in Madrid (UPAM).
General Medicine Unit and Clinical Center physicians
Betanzos 60
Madrid Madrid, Madrid Norte, Fuencarral District - El Pardo, next to the trough, Montecarmelo, Las Tablas, Sanchinarro, Barajas, Hortaleza, Barrio Begoña, Barrio del Pilar, Mirasierra, Tetouan, Plaza de Castilla Puerta Iron Peñagrande, Arroyo Fresno, Chamartin, Pozuelo, Majadahonda, Three Olives, Tres Cantos, Colmenar Viejo, Alcobendas, Moncloa, Aravaca, Dehesa de la Villa, Saconia, Valdezarza, La Coma.
Metro: Avenue of the Enlightenment, Peñagrande, Barrio del Pilar or Herrera Oria.
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